over the past few years i've developed this odd superpower. it's even better than the one where i can stop traffic merely by stepping out in front of cars. it appears that i am also able to predict inclement weather two days before it occurs. i do this by developing sinus infections and oozing goo. some might say that this is just a hyper-sensitivity to low pressure systems, i say i'm a mighty, mighty instrument for good. to verify this i spent all day on webmd. which was a bad idea, because now i think i may have any or all of the following maladies and/or deficiencies:
1.not enough "brown fat".
2. raynaud's phenomenon: (cold feet and hands as an "overresponse to cold temperatures") so true. i totally get cold in cold weather.
3.non-permanent sexual arousal syndrome (nPSAS): okay, so, i didn't specifically find this one, but there is a permanent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS) whereby a person can have hundreds of orgasms on a daily basis. i just don't have that many. in a month. anymore.
4.aquagenic urticaria: allergic to water. water tastes icky and i just don't like it. it tastes like fish sex. yes, it does.
5. xerostomia (dry mouth): that's probably in response to the water allergy. or excessive pot smoking.
6. pica. i don't actually have this but i think my cat might.
7. koro (shrinking penis syndrome): i'm almost sure that i have this.
8. auditory hallucinations: because i could swear i hear myself asking my students a question but their collective silence indicates that i may just be hallucinating speech.
i suggest if you ever visit webmd that you do it quick like or you might be spending the next week googling OCD treatments and transitory halitosis.
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