CHAPTER THREE
COUPLES: WHAT WENT WRONG?
here we have a spirited diatribe regarding the fates of these infamous couplages.
richard gere and cindy crawford
answer: he's gay.
text answer: she wanted to have children and he refused.
final answer: because. HE IS GAY.
lyle lovett and julia roberts
answer: it was the nineties, people were doing crazy shiz left and right.
text answer: the big difference in age became a problem.
final answer: the nineties looked something like this - mr. big, slap bracelets, the term "fart knocker" and rwandan genocide.
nicole kidman and tom cruise
answer: tom cruise is a fracking loon.
text answer: they both wanted to pursue their own careers.
final answer: he has become an irritable skin condition on the crazy prairie mammal of celebritydom.
in re: "You are maxing out. Wearing out the welcome. Becoming less the tolerable and moderately talented and mildly likable megastar and more like an itchy boil on the deranged ferret of popular culture, requiring lancing."- Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
bruce willis and demi moore
answer: mrs. kutcher is ground zero for cougar fever.
text answer: it was a stormy relationship and there were rumors of affairs on both sides.
final answer: ME-OW. kitty's got claws.
